At this very moment, I’m sitting in a blue polycarbonate chair, waiting for the doctor to show up. Hospitals are probably the only places that will never be appealing to me no matter what glamorous city or picturesque country they’re in. There’s always that heaviness in the air, that feeling of dread that’s only highlighted by the ultra white glare of the typical fluorescent lights, that sense of gloom that permeates in the almost frenetic energy of doctors, staff and patients alike.

Can you tell just how phobic I am of hospitals?

Back when I was in high school and was in the process of figuring out what courses to apply for in college, some of my classmates thought I’d go for Medicine. I was flabbergasted; I couldn’t figure out if they were joking or not. Apparently, they came to that idea due to my enjoyment of the whole frog dissection assignment in second year Biology class.

But really, I cannot stomach the notion of spending most of my waking hours in hospitals. The mere thought of it causes my stomach to roll over, my heart to pump double time and my throat to clench to suppress my gag reflex. I’d liken the feeling to being forced to talk in public with no preparation whatsoever. Or stripping naked in public. Or getting ready to jump off a plane. Heck, I might even prefer the jump! (and yes, it is in my bucket list).

You get the point. Why then do I find myself stuck in this interminable wait for a consultation? Well, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling this sensation at the back of my throat. I’d initially attributed it to the onset of a sore throat or a fever, only that never came about. And a few nights back, it settled into something like an obstruction in my throat. It’s not painful or anything, but it’s uncomfortable and unsettling. There are times when I feel like it’s hard to breathe or swallow and I get caught up in my imaginings of worse case scenarios and of me dying of asphyxiation in my sleep. I figured that I might as well face my fear, rather than face that nightmare of choking to death. That’s one of the scariest ways to die, I think.

So here I am–and I’m internally cursing this wait that’s inevitable in most hospitals. Once I get my mind made up, I’d rather get it over and done with than wallow in all these scary possibilities that are just running through my head. Damn it; this is what I get for doing some research in Google.

The doctor’s assistant just poked her head through the door to say that the doc’s on her way. I know it’s traffic due to the dismissal of classes and heavy rain but…come on, give us a break!

Nothing to do now but wait. I’ll definitely be writing about the results of my consultation later. Hope that it’ll be good–or as good as can be. *keeps fingers crossed*